Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
