she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
