I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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