just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
