he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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