One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
