I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
