Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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