I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
