My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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