Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
two words...techno handjob
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
