I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
