??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize