so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We had to coat check the pizza.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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