On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think my moral compass just broke
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
