I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
