Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
We need to rekindle our bromance
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
