I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
