You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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