the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
