Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
