drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
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