I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
