Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
