someone threw a dead crab at me
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
that may or may not have been my penis.
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