I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
