They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
