Just mADE A PArabola og urine
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
