OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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