yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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