just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize