Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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