I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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