moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Is it because I queefed?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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