I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
