yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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