Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
