he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
