guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize