i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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