Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
