I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
