Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I deserve this hangover.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
