if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
As shirtless as possible
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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