I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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