Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
