On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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