A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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