Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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