Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize