you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Randomize
