once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
