i need an iv and a liver transplant
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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