would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
