My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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