I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
