he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
