he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think my moral compass just broke
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
