I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
try to milk me bitch
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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