you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
