Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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