but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
