I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
