he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
