She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
