Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
