Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
